The gift is worthy to those who once had dreamt of possessing it

Like the two faces of a coin, we humans also are a mixture of good and bad qualities. I am no exception to the rule that no one is born perfect. A graduate in English and Psychology, I want to utilize the gift of expressing myself through words in carving a niche for myself.

Firstly, I would like to congratulate all the blessed souls who have successfully made their first move towards fulfilling their dream of being a part of the institute. I consider them blessed because, i) they are gifted with skill of luring people with their thoughts and words that helped them get through, and ii) they are going to be associated with IIMC, the dream, the truth.

The results having been declared, each of us got what we deserved- tears of joy, tears of sorrow, disappointment, failures and experience! Nobody got home empty handed. I, personally, got a mixed taste, of disappointment, hopelessness and God knows what. Like all of you, I too knew what I had done in the paper, the moment I came out of the room. It wasn’t like I was trying to hope against hope. A few follies here and there, still, that restlessness, that dream of leaping in the air overjoyed after seeing my results, seemed to linger on my mind for a long time. I kept a track of the result declaration day through the website. So, finally when I saw the due date, that lingering feeling came back to me with full force, giving me restless nights.

There were times when I would have a dream of sitting infront of the panel in the interview room, and then there were times where I would see my very own answer sheet getting torn to pieces. “Dreams are our hidden desires in disguise”, they say. So what was I supposed to interpret from the above dreams?? That I was torn into halves between getting through and running away from IIMC??...Well, these things are too tough for me to understand, so I left it all for 12th of June to decide.

Finally came the day. The anxiety, fear and uneasiness crossed all their levels with each tick of the clock hand. Morning changed to noon, and then to evening. I would open the website page, one half of me praying for the results to get displayed, the other half of me wishing the contrary, fearing the outcome. But as destiny and IIMC would have it, the results were finally displayed. I looked at the screen for 10 minutes, with the mouse right under my hand, waiting eagerly for that one click. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to know what awaited me. But then, I couldn’t run from it. So, I decided to proceed. “Click”, and there it was, the result page, staring right into my eyes. I tried to concentrate on the number 020035, the endless list of names in the first column, then I jumped to the second. The numbers 28 and 36 came and went by. “Shit! I am not there”. In desperation, I looked again , AA010036…ah…”It’s AA”, I thought. “May be the-second-time-lucky” charm is going to work for me, so I searched again. AB…ah there it is, AB020… and AB02005….I so wanted “AB020035” with NEHA SHEFALI written next to it, to appear on the screen. But I knew it wouldn’t. That feeling when all you want in this world is to see your name somewhere hidden in the list, amongst the other names, when you want to go wrong for once, hoping to see your name in the list when you check it the second time.

The face of truth

Is often unseen

How it unfolds itself

The story is somewhat mean.

Well, it came and went by. Another dream remains a dream. I hope that something better is waiting for me in some corner of the world. I hope the same for those who have had a similar experience. I wish you all great luck ahead. Just wanted to share what I felt with all who cherished and nurtured the dream called IIMC.

Neha Shefali